How to Intimidate People


I have been told that I can be “intimidating.” The lack of smiling contributes to this image. So does having a fairly unemotional response to crises. And a default facial expression that reads as “unenthused.” I don’t entirely get it, but I have been told I’m intimidating.

As long as the one who is intimidating isn’t actively trying to intimidate, then the intimidation seems like a natural and even beneficial by-product of a business a relationship that matters and out of which might come something great.

But what is it that makes people intimidating? What is it that makes an intern a little on edge? What is it that makes you stumble over your words in front of your boss?


You could be unintentionally intimidating
You could be acting in an overconfident way. Overconfident people are
perceived as having a higher social status.
You could be rude. Rude people are perceived as having more power.
You could be tall. Tall people are seen as more intelligent, dominant, and
healthy.
You could be attractive. Attractive people are perceived as smarter.
You could be a man with a shaved head. Men with shaved heads are seen as
more dominant.
You could be a man with a beard. Bearded men are seen as having higher
social status and being more aggressive.
You could have a deep voice. People with deeper voices are perceived as
stronger and more competent.
You could be a great-looking, overconfident, rude, tall, bearded guy with a
shaved head and deep voice. And congratulations, you are
really intimidating.But in order to be intimidating in a way that isn’t superficial, in a way that
is connected to the quality of your work and comportment, you have to have the
following things:And finally: empathy.

You may intimidate but you may not intimidate without acknowledging what you’re doing.
And what you’re doing is serious stuff. Research suggests that a social threat—here, feeling lesser in status—can setoff the same kind of fight-or-flight response as a physical threat. A flood of hormones such as adrenaline and cortisol makes us jittery and hampers our ability to think logically and reflectively. You’re freaking people out when you intimidate them. And you need to understand this. You need to act upon that empathy. You need to do something that will put the other person at ease. That will lower their adrenaline levels, even if all you do is say, “You’re doing great,” which will be a great relief to the one you are
intimidating. There’s a lot of power in the intimidation. And there is a lot of power in mitigating it. If you have one without the other, you’re not doing it right.


But if you are able to do it the right way—if you can check off those four boxes
—then intimidation can be a very useful thing. It can establish order (just like it
did back in junior high). It can establish status, which is a key part of business—
even if you wish it weren’t. And it can establish a clear path for decision making.
Which is what everyone wants in the workplace.

Why sucking at something new is good

Failure is huge right now. It’s being studied. It’s being written about. It’s being blogged about. “Fail early and often,” we’re told.

“Surrender to the pain of failure.” “Failure is fundamental.” The latest key to success is to fail but to fail in the right way.But is there a right way to fail? Is there a right way to submit work you know is half-baked like I did during my first few months at my previous Job(Let’s call it Company X )?

Is there a right way to stumble through a presentation to the sales staff, as I did during
my first few months at Company X? Is there a right way to have a story killed? Is there a right way to do shit work? I don’t think actual failure is what’s being discussed. “Failure” is just the
word that makes the books and articles seem more intriguing than they actually
are. Actual failure is awful and expensive. It’s devastating.

Failure teaches you nothing. You should not consider “failure” a positive outcome. Not early.
Not often. Not ever, if you can help it. Really, what’s being discussed is: mistakes. All of the studies that the books and blog posts cite basically boil down to two messages.

1. Humans hate to make mistakes.

2. A key determinant of success is both accepting that you will make mistakes and paying attention to the mistakes that you make.

One of the most cited experts on this topic is Stanford psychologist Carol Dweck, who pioneered the idea of “mind-sets.” People with “fixed mind-sets,” she says, believe their abilities are unchangeable—a belief that causes them to shy away from situations in which they might fail. By contrast, people with “growth mind-sets” embrace challenges because they believe they can become smarter and more capable even if they don’t succeed. They’re willing to get things wrong but more important, they’re ready to listen to the feedback.


Screwing up is not a defining thing. This is such a useful attitude to have. I’ve only just recently adopted this mentality. It’s made my work better. It’s made the process more efficient. And I have a lot more time to spend with my family.
What people with a growth mind-set know is that mistakes are useful when
you’re willing to have a conversation about them, when you’re willing to be
corrected.


But actual failure? Humiliating, devastating failure?


Aside from teaching us that certain decisions are bad decisions and that we
should not make them twice, failure totally blows. But mistakes are amazing.
The main failure of my first couple of years in New York was the shame I
felt at making mistakes. If I have a regret, this is it. I was too caught up in the
fear of making mistakes. I sometimes acted timidly. In the short term, I probably
did “better” work, but in the long term I did worse work because I didn’t allow
myself to get my mistakes over with early. I would stay at work until midnight
working on a headline. I would refine a single joke over two or three days.
There is nothing wrong with focusing on the details. But focusing on the
details at the expense of your personal life is not a good idea.
Now that I’m a manager, if I see someone hanging on to something for
what I think is too long, I will tell them to give it to me. As is. Just turn it over.
Doing work too fast is a bad idea. But doing work too slow is a terrible idea.
The last thing a boss wants is to be left without any options if the work isn’t
good enough. Being fastidious is possibly the worst thing a young worker can
do. The work is probably not going to get to where it needs to be no matter how
long you hang on to it. So turn it in early and then make corrections. You’re
supposed to do bad work.


Everyone wants you to do bad work.
Everyone.


Your boss wants you to get it out of your system and learn what not to do.
And your peers want you to make mistakes too. Either they understand the
value of a fearless colleague or they just want to feel superior . . . if they even
notice. Loads of studies have shown that we tend to think people pay attention to
us twice as much as they actually do. This is the spotlight effect.

And you don’t realize it, but you want to do bad work too. Because in every
bit of bad work, there is always a kernel of something good. Bad work is 2 to
13 percent good. Your job is to pick through the mess you create and find that
good.

Other people will help you find it. Let them.

How to Screw Up Early On in a Job

You want to screw up. If you don’t screw up when you start out, then
you are overqualified for the position. Because if it was anything less
than a big opportunity that affords you a ton of growth, then you would know
how to do everything that’s required. That it feels overwhelming—that you make
loads of mistakes—lets you know that you took a big step, that you’re learning
things, that you’re being challenged. Little failures are how you know you’re
succeeding.
Once few things have been checked off . . . congratulations,
you’re on your way!


1.Reach out to shake an important person’s hand in inappropriate circumstances. Such
as:
while they are eating food.
while they are in the middle of a conversation with someone else in a restroom.


2.Pretend you are intimately aware of something that you actually know nothing about
and keep speaking about it until your ignorance becomes obvious.


3.Conspicuously avoid making eye contact with someone you admire because you are
either blinded by their glory or cowed by their power.


4.Speak very loudly anxiously.


5.Really screw up a presentation. By, say, forgetting how to swallow your own saliva.

6.Loiter around a group of people at a party. Then sidle up to them.


7.Then insert yourself into the conversation awkwardly.


8.Use the phrase “first-day jitters” on your first day.


9.Feel like you want to go home, home being a metaphor for any metaphorical place that possibly involves being metaphorically tucked into a metaphorical bed.


10.Glare at your own reflection in the mirror as if you want to fight yourself.


11. Attribute your first big accomplishment to luck and deception.


12.Due to fatigue and intimidation, clam up at dinner on your first day at work with all of
your new colleagues, including your boss. Like, clam up. Like, do not say
anything.

Congratulation! With these goofups, you are ready to go big.

How to Talk to a Recruiter

I’ve always found recruiter interviews to be more fraught than prospective
employer interviews.

1. They always ask questions you can’t say no to.
(“Are you interested in taking the next step in your career?”)

2. They immediately want extremely personal information from you. (“So what are you
making?”)

3. And they end the conversation cryptically, almost meaninglessly, as if they are either high-level diplomats at a treaty negotiation or someone you met on Match and had a weird first date with . . . or a high-level diplomat you met on Match (“So now you know a little bit about what I’m looking for. I know a little bit about what you’re looking for. Let’s see how this goes.”) There’s a lot more covert digging and discreet maneuvering going on with a recruiter interview than with a prospective-employer interview.


Recruiters aren’t only looking to help an employer fill a slot. They’re
interested in starting a relationship. They know that this might not be the right fit
but that in the future another job might come along that is. Recruiters look at
their conversations with you as fact-gathering missions. They want to know
about you. But they also want to know about where you work, what kinds of
salaries people make there and the organization’s hierarchical structure. This
information becomes part of the tapestry of intelligence they have on your
industry and who works in it.

So coming to the title of this article, how should you talk to a recruiter?


Don’t be late. It’s fine if it happens, but, really, try to not be late.
Use the recruiter to get information on the hiring manager. Because hiring
managers tend to want someone either exactly like them or the exact opposite.This will be useful if you get to interview with the hiring manager.

Give the recruiter information on your workplace that they can add to their file on
your current employer. This will endear you to them. It’s one of the reasons
they’re meeting with you.


Do not use them just to get a counteroffer. They will know what’s going on and
will never call you again. Give them the real story of your career. Be candid. Tell your actual story. If you’re right for the job, that story’s next chapter will be the job the recruiter is trying to fill.


Don’t bad-mouth your current employer. The recruiter knows and likes people
there, and you will seem small.Totally!

Talk about how you can contribute to the new place, not what the new place will
contribute to your career.


Talk less about your greatest hits and obvious weaknesses and more about the
stuff in between.


Don’t ask about the recruiter’s life or career. The subject is you. It’s OK to seem
self-obsessed during a recruiter interview.

Send a thank-you note to the recruiter.But no gifts. It’s excessive. Like you’re trying to make up for some professional deficiency.


And, really, don’t be late 🙂

Why do people leave their jobs?

According to the SHRM/Career Journal survey, the major reasons employees quit are as follows:

  • Compensation and benefits (53 percent)
  • Career development (35 percent)
  • New experience (32 percent)
  • Job security (21 percent)
  • Career change (21 percent)
    Followed by the management indictments of:
  • Poor management (20 percent)
  • Boredom (18 percent)
  • Conflict with values (18 percent)

So what is the message here? Of course, all employers run a risk in the employment marketplace if they are not prepared to provide competitive and equitably administered pay, benefits, and other conditions of employment. But most people want much more out of a job than high pay and comprehensive benefits.

Employees want a career and a reasonable job security. They want an employer who thinks about them and their individual development, possible new experiences, and equitable consideration for advancement. Most important, they want to work for an organization and person they respect.


Should we not, therefore, work more on those employee-centered issues, especially since many of them “come for free” through improved HR practices and improved first-line supervision? Examples include good employee relations, career development, job enrichment and rotation, and reasonable opportunities for advancement. Then try to buttress those efforts with a work environment characterized by its challenge, appropriate values, and reasonable security, including the ability to speak up and be heard
without fear of retribution? What do you think?

What makes a dream job?


You don’t have to get all the ingredients of a fulfilling career from your job.
It’s possible to find a job that pays the bills and excel in a side project; or to find
a sense of meaning through philanthropy and volunteering; or to build great
relationships outside of work. Einstein had his most productive year in 1905, while working as a clerk at a patent office.


So what does a fulfilling career looks like to me?

  1. Work I am good at.
  2. Work that helps others.
  3. Engaging work that lets me enter a state of flow (freedom, variety,
    clear tasks, feedback).
  4. Supportive colleagues.
  5. No major negatives like long hours or unfair pay.
  6. Work that fits your personal life.

Deal with Compassion Fatigue- NOW!

Do you find yourselves avoiding certain conversations and people? Because their work puts them in situations where they commonly see or hear about ongoing and sometimes unspeakable suffering, it is not unusual to see some of our most skilled, caring, and compassionate “helpers” fall victim to compassion fatigue.

Corona times have forced us not only to look at our physical well being but also emotional well being and Compassion is no exception. Compassion fatigue is considered to be the result of working directly with victims of disasters, trauma, or illness, especially in the health care industry. Individuals working in other helping professions are also at risk for experiencing compassion fatigue but I personally feel that thanks to the stressful times that we live in , no one is an exception.

Signs of compassion fatigue include:

  • Feeling burdened by the suffering of others
  • Blaming others for their suffering
  • Isolating yourself
  • Loss of pleasure in life
  • Difficulty in concentrating
  • Insomnia
  • Physical and mental fatigue
  • Bottling up your emotions
  • Increased nightmares
  • Feelings of hopelessness or powerlessness
  • Frequent complaining about your work or your life
  • Overeating
  • Excessive use of drugs or alcohol
  • Poor self-care
  • Beginning to receive a lot of complaints about your work or attitude
  • Denial

So now without rambling on theory, let me jot down what I think might help anyone deal with compassion fatigue.

  • Watch something light-hearted like cartoons or a romance comedy. Stay away from tear jerkers.
  • Eat sumptuous food if gaining weight is not a concern 😛
  • Try to comes to terms with the fact that pain and suffering are realities of life over which we have little or no control.
  • Be grateful for what is good in your life and in the world.
  • Try to find some meaning in the suffering you see.
  • If you must blame something, blame the situation, not the person.
  • Show compassion to yourself by being kind, soothing, and comforting to yourself.
  • Enhance your awareness with education.
  • Accept where you are on your path at all times.
  • Exchange information and feelings with people who can validate you.
  • Clarify your personal boundaries—what works for you and what doesn’t.
  • Be kind to yourself.
  • Express what you need verbally.
  • Tell others what you need in order to feel good .
  • Take positive action to change your environment.

Compassion fatigue or not, I hope this helps 🙂

Create a successful personality by including these seven principles.

Audrey Hepburn has such a admirable personality. She was total goals and so much grace personified .

In Psychocybernetics, Maltz teaches that there are seven elements of a personality that attracts success.

The acronym S.U.C.C.E.S.S. summarizes these fundamentals.

  1. The first element is Sense of Direction, or having an objective to pursue. Direct yourself toward success every day by setting goals.
  2. The second element is Understanding when your fear or desire is altering the truth. Anxiety, fear, and desire cause us to misunderstand events, which leads to failure.
  3. The third element is Courage, which is taking calculated risks to make your goals happen. Don’t delay action until you are completely confident. Small steps in your desired direction are better than none.
  4. The fourth element is Charity, which consists of putting the problems and needs of people first. Caring for others is a hallmark of outstanding individuals.
  5. The fifth element is Esteem which is all about having a positive self-opinion. Tell yourself often that you can do whatever you think you want to do!
  6. Self-confidence comes after esteem. You can improve this one by remembering your past successes. Learn to accept and love yourself for who you are, and forget your past failures.
  7. And last we have Self-acceptance, which is learning to be okay with yourself, come what may.

Psychocybernetics: The way you act is a result of the mental image you create of yourself.

Most important part of transformation is Mental

Whether you like it or not you’ve created your own self-image of who you are. Every success, failure, and experience you’ve had has played a role in the creation of this mental illustration.

Life events, whether traumatic or wonderful, lead us to create the mental blueprint of ourselves. This principle is important to know because who you believe yourself to determine how you act every day. For example, if you’ve had struggles with math your whole life, you may tell yourself that you’re bad at math, that it’s just who you are. It’s the thought of being awful at arithmetic that makes you continue to struggle. Maybe instead of having a hard time with numbers, you think that people judge you for the way you look or act, which causes you to push people away. Unfortunately, this perception of yourself and how others view you is making you shut down.

“How we explain life events to ourselves determines how they will affect us.

Between every situation we experience and how we feel about it is a space. Within that space, we decide what to think the circumstance means, whether good or bad. We have to improve what we think to change how we feel in any situation we encounter. When we upgrade our perception of ourselves and the world around us, we can improve the way we act.

Most definitely!

Gaga about Gig Economy

The economical effects of the recent Lock-down
Source: Berkeley College

Knowledge is indeed power, then you have at your disposal the most powerful tool in the history of mankind. I have heard many writers bemoan the fact that technology has not impacted the world in the ways depicted in so many science fiction films. There are no flying cars and very few silver jumpsuits. And yet, in my view, the many ways that technology has actually changed the world are actually even more interesting. For example, the Internet has changed how we communicate with one another, how we entertain ourselves, and how we work. Nobody could have predicted it.

If you want to work four-hour days and are willing to take the cut in income that comes with that, then that’s your call. If you want to finish work early one day “just because,” then most of the time you can. If you want to work an extra hour a day and stop working Mondays, then that’s an option too. There are limits to this flexibility, of course. If you continually shirk on your deadlines, then people are going to stop working with you. And if your contract requires you to be online during certain hours, then you can’t pack in early without telling anyone.

I also believe that, in many ways, being self-employed is actually a more stable and reliable way to earn money versus working for an employer. Think about it: If you are employed by just one company and that company goes under, you’re out of a job. No more income. The same goes if you get let go. But if you have ten ongoing clients, what are the chances that all of them are going to up and leave you at the very same time? Very slim, one would hope. Not only that, but more and more people are going to be turning to freelancers as word gets out. Why would a company limit itself to the local pool of talent when it could go online and find the very best in the business to do the job? Why would a company spend resources and office space on a permanent member of staff when it can get the same work done with no overhead, no administration, and no commitment?

Now I’m being purposefully contrary. But the point I’m making is that you will be working on your own much of the time. That means a lot of isolation, and for some people, being part of a “team” is one of the big perks of work. For that reason, this type of career is arguably better suited to introverts(yay). That said, when the time comes to speak with a client in person, it can help to be a bit more extroverted (there is such thing as an ambivert!). If you feel you will suffer as a result of not being around co-workers, then you need to make sure that you make up for it by jam-packing your free time with social alternatives.

But again, this comes down to personal preference. There is also a fair amount of admin and “fiddly stuff” to contend with when setting up any business. While a sole proprietor has less to worry about than a limited liability company, you do still need to consider things like filing tax returns, logging your expenses and income, dealing with clients, investing in marketing (maybe including trademarks), and more. You’ll need to sign up for websites, and you may wish to create your own business website. All this can be a headache and it is often a considerable “barrier to entry.”

In other words, if you’re not 100% sure about working as a freelancer, potential admin tasks may be enough to deter you from diving in. The good news is that you can take these responsibilities on slowly and eventually automate or outsource a great deal of them. But in the interests of balance, let’s consider risk. At the end of the day, you won’t be employed. You won’t have a long-term contract. There is no guarantee that the work will keep coming.

That’s a shift in the way we have been brought up to view work, and for some, that’s bound to incite just a little anxiety.