Do you find yourselves avoiding certain conversations and people? Because their work puts them in situations where they commonly see or hear about ongoing and sometimes unspeakable suffering, it is not unusual to see some of our most skilled, caring, and compassionate “helpers” fall victim to compassion fatigue.
Corona times have forced us not only to look at our physical well being but also emotional well being and Compassion is no exception. Compassion fatigue is considered to be the result of working directly with victims of disasters, trauma, or illness, especially in the health care industry. Individuals working in other helping professions are also at risk for experiencing compassion fatigue but I personally feel that thanks to the stressful times that we live in , no one is an exception.
Signs of compassion fatigue include:
Feeling burdened by the suffering of others
Blaming others for their suffering
Loss of pleasure in life
Difficulty in concentrating
Physical and mental fatigue
Bottling up your emotions
Feelings of hopelessness or powerlessness
Frequent complaining about your work or your life
Excessive use of drugs or alcohol
Beginning to receive a lot of complaints about your work or attitude
So now without rambling on theory, let me jot down what I think might help anyone deal with compassion fatigue.
Watch something light-hearted like cartoons or a romance comedy. Stay away from tear jerkers.
Eat sumptuous food if gaining weight is not a concern 😛
Try to comes to terms with the fact that pain and suffering are realities of life over which we have little or no control.
Be grateful for what is good in your life and in the world.
Try to find some meaning in the suffering you see.
If you must blame something, blame the situation, not the person.
Show compassion to yourself by being kind, soothing, and comforting to yourself.
Enhance your awareness with education.
Accept where you are on your path at all times.
Exchange information and feelings with people who can validate you.
Clarify your personal boundaries—what works for you and what doesn’t.
This write-up is prompted by a fellow fangirl @Haiku_Gongyoo on what we think is the MBTI type of our boy, South Korean Superstar Gong Yoo. The beautiful thing about him is that the first time you look at him, you’ll probably go “he is the guy girls are so mad about?” and then you see him in one of his movies/dramas/interviews and become one of those girls. He is an acquired taste that matures like a fine wine. I find him attractive for so many reasons; he is down to earth in spite of his huge stardom, portrays roles so well, knows to sing, is tall-sexy-goofy, wants to direct someday revealing his brainy side. All those qualities make him so much adorable and lovable. His eyes are something else entirely. I have watched many Korean dramas and movies but I have found my favorite in Gong Yoo after all.
I chose to not base my observations on the roles he plays because that is all make-believe and INFJs are notorious social chameleons, masking into the role they are expected to be. Irrespective of their profession, INFJs are actors of their own right, projecting themselves as what is expected of them. They hate conflicts big time and can go to great lengths to avoid them altogether. The basis of my observations are his Interviews and several Youtube videos that I will try to link below. Though I am a Human Resource professional who is a Psychology buff, I do not claim to be an authority on MBTI personality types. My interest in MBTI stems from finally understanding myself better as an INFJ and also dealing with two INFJ friends. I have ulterior motives in proving Gong Yoo as an INFJ because I respect and love him deeply and want him to be a part of my Gang. With that disclaimer out let me elaborate in layman terms why I think he is an INFJ.
You can tell he’s genuine just by watching his interviews, and his answers, damn, I’ve never seen a heartthrob as humble as Gong Yoo. And let’s not forget his shyness and his laughs! Anyways I think we need to think more objectively about this topic because the audience generally focuses too much on his looks and we fangirls want to prove that he is much more than just a pretty face. We love good stories and good performances; we are not that irrational consumers after all.
So here we go.
He is a deep thinker and works for a cause bigger than himself
The more I watch his interviews the more I fall for the actor instead of the character he played. Now I am more objective in looking at him as an actor, not as the cool characters he plays in his films. He thinks we love Kim Shin’s character but he couldn’t be more disillusioned. No Gongyooshi we do not like you because of your characters, we like you because you are like this, you are honest, you are pure, you are humble and handsome. No character of his would ever suffice his real personality. Right from lobbying for the Dogani Law to be passed to the recent donation for Corona fund, he shows social awareness and willingness to make a positive change with his stardom. We love that. Everything about him is warm, the way he smiles, talks, walks, acts, and is perceived on and off-camera.
He is not superficial
There’s something about Gong Yoo’s interviews that feel more sincere/authentic than other celebrities. He doesn’t shy away from saying things that might come off as politically incorrect: struggling with internal demons, not liking fame, the complexities of being indebted to fans but their parasitic nature, the unpleasantness of serving in the military, etc. He always tries to appreciate other people’s perspectives while asserting his own and that is commendable.
He is sensitive to the emotions of others
He apologized to fans about being brash to them years ago and the respect that he gives to his fans on a fan sign event is really commendable. Which Superstar would oblige a fangirl by putting a ring on her finger? His co-star Jeon Do Yeon also mentioned how he cooked braised chicken on her birthday in Finland when she was tired of eating bread all the time. Such a good Husband material I tell you.
He is a Perfectionist Loner
INFJs are known to be perfectionists to the point that they tend to procrastinate. They are always criticizing themselves and those they love and hence are dissatisfied as a default mode. So, he takes commitment very seriously. His Personal trainer recently narrated how GY called to ask if it was fine if he had beef instead of chicken. He says he really admired his commitment to be a perfectionist when it comes to his roles.
Also, he comes off as a loner, preferring his own company over any other human being. Prefers fishing and chilling at Jeju Island and takes a two-year break because he was overwhelmed by working on three projects simultaneously in 2016. This may sound extreme to most but as an INFJ myself I can vouch that it was necessary for him to do so. We can only give when our cup is full and being surrounded by people drains our energy. Not because he hates people but he either absorbs people’s energies and prefers people who are mentally stimulating or someone around whom he can be comfortable.
He is complex and intense
He is someone who is loved by so many but can’t comfortably live his life like a normal person. He must feel extremely lonely and it’s sad that this is the downside of being famous. This guy has a depth that can’t be described in words. He prefers art films and has a very profound connection with his craft. One of the more intelligent actors around, Korean or otherwise and you can see that in the projects he chooses, the causes he endorses, and the way he answers questions asked to him.
Hard to get to know
I feel for him, I don’t envy his fame but I admire his tolerance and acceptance that this is his life. He says he enjoys the fame but I can’t help but wonder if he just tells himself that or if he is truly happy. Now I know why his eyes look so sad and tired all the time. Poor thing he must feel so lonely, I hope fans respect his privacy though, so he can continue to recharge and grace us with his beauty.
Prone to depression
He has mentioned in this interview that he struggled with self-image in his 20s and I am sure he does now too but just has learned to mask it well. He seems to be a rational and sentimental person who has a lot on his mind. Gong Hye-Jin says he is a worrywart and thinks 100 times before buying a simple t-shirt. So, imagine how much he is worried about the things that really matter to him. He isn’t only worrying about disappointing his fans but also the team who works with him all these years and helped him along the way.
Protective of his privacy
He is not on Social Media and it’s tough to spot him even in this age of digitalization. From an INFJ perspective, he gets enough exposure thanks to his celebrity status and mandatory meets that he needs to conduct, he does not feel any need to socialize other than that. Also, his INFJ brain has convinced him that he is always right, so he will not bother to come online even if asked to so.
I can go on and on about my favorite Oppa but my intuition tells me he is an INFJ. Why you ask? It would be like explaining the taste of water. I can only hope someone cajoles him into taking that test and my hope/ speculation is proved. So, this man who contributes to great cause out of sheer outrage for injustice, and when asked about it, immediately says that he didn’t do it alone that it was a collective effort, that anyone else would have done the same. If this isn’t a sign of a great man, I don’t know what is.
The traditional view of achievement, like the traditional view of depression, needs overhauling. Our workplaces and our home operate on the conventional assumption that success results from a combination of talent and desire.
When failure occurs, it is because either talent or desire is missing. But failure also can occur when talent and desire are present in abundance but optimism is missing.
What if the great majority of depressions are much simpler than the biological psychiatrists and the psychoanalysts believe?
1. What if depression is not something you are motivated to bring upon yourself but something that just descends upon you? 2. What if depression is not an illness but a severe low’ mood? 3. What if you are not a prisoner of past conflicts in the way you react? 4. What if depression is in fact set off by present troubles? 5. What if you are not a prisoner of your genes or your brain chemistry, either? 6. What if depression arises from mistaken inferences ‘we make from two Ways of Looking at Life, the tragedies and setbacks we all experience over the course of a life? 7.What if depression occurs merely when we harbor pessimistic beliefs about the causes of our setbacks? 8. What if we can unlearn pessimism and acquire the skills of looking at setbacks optimistically?
Also what if the traditional view of the components of success is wrong? 1. What if there is a third factor-optimism or pessimis~that matters as much as talent or desire? 2. What if you can have all the talent and desire necessary-yet, if you are a pessimist, still fail? 3.What if optimists do better at school, at work, and on the playing field? 4.What if optimism is a learned skill, one that can be permanently acquired? 5.What if we can instill this skill in our children?
Since Lockdown everyone is at home and many School going students are forced to study at home so penning down few pointers that I think every student studying at home and their parents might benefit from:
Set up a homework area. Free of distraction, well lit, with all necessary supplies handy.
Set up a homework routine. When and where it gets done. Studies have clearly shown that students who establish a regular routine are better organized and, as a result, more successful.
Set homework priorities. Actually, just make the point that homework is the priority before TV, before playing Pub G, whatever.
Parents should make reading a habit, for children, certainly, but also for yourselves. Kids will inevitably do what you do, not what you say (even if you say not to do what you do).
Turn off the TV. Or at the very least, severely limit when and how much TV-watching is appropriate. This may be the toughest suggestion to enforce. I know. I’m the parent of a teenager.
Talk to the teachers. Find out what your kids are supposed to be learning. If you don’t know the books they’re supposed to be reading, what’s expected of them in class, and how much homework they should be scheduling, you can’t really give them the help they need.
Encourage and motivate, but don’t nag them to do their homework. It doesn’t work. The more you insist, the quicker they will tune you out.
Supervise their work, but don’t fall into the trap of doing their homework. Checking (i.e., proofreading) a paper, for example, is a positive way to help your child in school. But if you simply put in corrections without your child learning from her mistakes, you’re not helping her at all…except in the belief that she is not responsible for her own work.
Praise them when they succeed, but don’t overpraise them for mediocre work. Kids know when you’re being insincere and, again, will quickly tune you out.
Convince them of reality. (This is for older students.) Okay, I’ll admit it’s almost as much of a stretch as turning off Netflix, but learning and believing that the real world will not care about their grades, but will measure them by what they know and what they can do, is a lesson that will save many tears (probably yours). It’s probably never too early to (carefully) let your boy or girl genius get the message that life is not fair.
If you can afford it, get your kid(s) a computer and all the software they can handle. There really is no avoiding it: Your kids, whatever their ages, absolutely must be computer savvy in order to survive in and after school.
Turn off the Netflix already! At least minimize it or treat it as a reward after a day’s hard work.
Get wired. The Internet is the greatest invention of our age and an unbelievable tool for students of any age. It is impossible for a college student to succeed without the ability to surf online, and nearly impossible for younger students. They’ve got to be connected.
Turn off Instant Messaging(Messenger, Whatsapp) while doing homework. They will attempt to convince you that they can write a term paper, do their geometry homework, and message their friends at the same time. Once upon a time, I used to think that the best study area is in front of the TV. But now I know it is the best way to not give 100% to your work or study.
So enough of Gyaan already and back to my reading session.
“Yoga is the perfect opportunity to be curious about who you are”–Jason Crandell
“True yoga is not about the shape of your body, but the shape of your life. Yoga is not to be performed; yoga is to be lived. Yoga doesn’t care about what you have been; yoga cares about the person you are becoming. Yoga is designed for a vast and profound purpose, and for it to be truly called yoga, its essence must be embodied.” Aadil Palkhivala, Fire of Love
“You deserve a lover who takes away the lies and brings you hope, coffee, and poetry.” — Frida Kahlo
I love coffee as much as (or maybe more than) I love men. I was a late bloomer, I didn’t start drinking it until my mid-twenties. But when I did, Oh Boy!
“There is no remedy for love but to love more.” -Henry David Thoreau
A talented writer and well-known philosopher, Thoreau was most likely talking about coffee when he discussed “loving” in excess. Those who drink cup after cup of coffee are all too familiar with the elated feeling they get from drowning their mornings in the coffee induced productivity,
In high school, I was a milk fanatic. I drank milk until when I was 24ish. I would gulp down liters of Milk and it helped me sleep well. It also helped(!?!) me gain weight but I wasn’t complaining. Then I was. Then in my twenties, thanks to those all-nighters I found coffee.
Coffee, the elixir of life, is the most popular natural antidepressant there is. The beverage of choice for hopeless romantics(read me). I can’t function, nor wish to function, without it. So I researched what are coffee lovers called and came up with some interesting terms:
The person who loves coffee is known as Amante de cafe i.e.lover made of coffee. Similarly, a Javaphile is a person who loves to drink coffee
Since a lot can happen over a coffee, studying people’s coffee behavior is not a vain exercise. How does a person(man /woman, boss, friend) bring you coffee? Do they ask you how you like it? Do they make it how they like it or how you like it? If it’s a significant other, do they bring it to you in bed? Or make you do it every time? You can ask yourself these questions the next time you decide on some significant decisions with that person. Though I have not had swoon-worthy coffee moments yet I know that I could have avoided disasters with certain people if only I had assessed them over coffee.
Coffee is good for your health too. Regular coffee consumption may reduce a person’s risk of certain liver disorders, lowering the risk of liver cancer by 40% and cirrhosis by as much as 80%. Coffee can help you burn fat and boost your metabolism(all those bulletproof coffee drinkers agree?), this is the reason why caffeine is usually the primary ingredient in most over-the-counter diet supplements. While drinking coffee will not make you lose weight, it can help raise the metabolic rate and boost your athletic performance. Coffee can lower your risk of diabetes as per research has found that having 3-4 cups of coffee a day is correlated with a 25% lower risk in type II diabetes. Coffee is also associated with a lower risk of Alzheimer’s and Parkinson’s. As you age, coffee can slow down “the onset of neurodegenerative disease,” and can lower your risk of Alzheimer’s by up to 60%, and Parkinson’s of 32-60%!
Coffee is an all-around performance booster both physically, mentally, and emotionally. Best of all, it’s legal. However, don’t over it otherwise the only thing that is assured is insomnia.
I am sorry that my tribute to you has to be on your death.It’s indeed unfortunate that me like many others on social media have been appreciating your contribution only on hearing that you took your life.
It is heartbreaking that a talented handsome actor like you felt unheard, so much unlike the privilege actors are supposed to have.
So this post is to remind myself to judge little and love more.
This is to remind me that a talented actor who considered himself an engineer succumbed to depression nonetheless.
This is to remind myself that no matter how popular or loved l might think people are,they are still alone and sometimes just need a patient ear.
This is to remind me and those reading this to never trivialize other people’s pain for you never know what direction you are pushing that person towards.
I am sorry and I hope you find your peace wherever you are. Thank you for reminding us to be more humane and be there for each other now more than ever.
For you mattered. For every life matters. For Mental health matters.
A hopeless romantic lingers inside me (every cynical millennial). We want to share our loneliness with someone we cherish even if a barrage of disappointing dates, faces and unfulfilling relationships has battered the heart we wear on our sleeves. This isn’t exactly surprising.
We hand-pick our outfits, curate our social media, and mix the soundtrack to our lives. We create an identity, an idealized image into the world. It’s no surprise we’ve transferred this mindset to our romantic relationships. Yes, it’s difficult to date that ridiculously chiseled Goon-Yoo-type when you sit on the couch all day daydreaming (about him). Difficult yes but not impossible if you put in the work.(This is my Blog so I will take the liberty to be ridiculously optimistic because HEY! heart wants what it wants).Period.
I am searching for a special someone whose every look, dimple, freckle, and smile triggers a jolt that reverberates across my chest. I don’t know about you but I am lost and confused. Sometimes, it can be very frustrating. Maybe it’s bad timing or incompatibility or zero chemistry or a bad hair day; some things are beyond your control. But if we drift through life assuming everyone who rejects us is inherently an asshole; we better be a sociopath or Deepika Padukone.
Dating a person, you admire requires you to hold yourself to a high standard, a better version of yourself.
But we tend to get so wrapped up in what we want, we lose sight of how to attain it. If we were honestly assessing ourselves, perhaps we’d take a moment to consider: “If the ‘perfect’ person were really perfect, they could date whoever they wanted. Why would they choose us?” Your definition of “perfect” is entirely subjective. It’s based on your current mental and emotional state, your goals and ambitions, personality and values, past experiences, and an endless entanglement of subconscious issues and fetishes far too nuanced to generalize. But I’ve found that, more often than not, people tend to hold dating prospects to unreasonable standards they don’t hold themselves to.
The cold, cruel truth about love is people want to be with others they deem to be of equal or higher caliber than themselves. It’s a capitalist world and market value have its way of sifting the choosers from the beggars. Newton’s third law of physics states, “For every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction,” so if you’re evaluating people on superficial qualities, the ones you’ve pulled into your orbit are probably measuring you by the same barometer.
A successful (Love) life begins by working on yourself. People are generally attracted to counterparts who share similar priorities and philosophies. Want to date someone who’s fun and adventurous? Take up some new hobbies. Want to date someone with career ambitions? Pursue a job that fits your passions. Want to date someone who’s smart? Broaden your intellectual interests. At the very least, it’ll make you a more intriguing person with some added layers of depth, and you’ll have something to talk about other than the weather or whatever Mostly Sane posted today.
This isn’t meant as an insult. It’s a plea for reflection. Self-love is a good thing, but self-awareness is more important. The more you improve, the more your prospects improve atleast that’s what I am telling myself.
When you become more certain about your journey, you’re more likely to find someone who wants to hop along for the ride.