A hopeless romantic lingers inside me (every cynical millennial). We want to share our loneliness with someone we cherish even if a barrage of disappointing dates, faces and unfulfilling relationships has battered the heart we wear on our sleeves. This isn’t exactly surprising.
We hand-pick our outfits, curate our social media, and mix the soundtrack to our lives. We create an identity, an idealized image into the world. It’s no surprise we’ve transferred this mindset to our romantic relationships. Yes, it’s difficult to date that ridiculously chiseled Goon-Yoo-type when you sit on the couch all day daydreaming (about him). Difficult yes but not impossible if you put in the work.(This is my Blog so I will take the liberty to be ridiculously optimistic because HEY! heart wants what it wants).Period.
I am searching for a special someone whose every look, dimple, freckle, and smile triggers a jolt that reverberates across my chest. I don’t know about you but I am lost and confused. Sometimes, it can be very frustrating. Maybe it’s bad timing or incompatibility or zero chemistry or a bad hair day; some things are beyond your control. But if we drift through life assuming everyone who rejects us is inherently an asshole; we better be a sociopath or Deepika Padukone.
Dating a person, you admire requires you to hold yourself to a high standard, a better version of yourself.
But we tend to get so wrapped up in what we want, we lose sight of how to attain it. If we were honestly assessing ourselves, perhaps we’d take a moment to consider: “If the ‘perfect’ person were really perfect, they could date whoever they wanted. Why would they choose us?” Your definition of “perfect” is entirely subjective. It’s based on your current mental and emotional state, your goals and ambitions, personality and values, past experiences, and an endless entanglement of subconscious issues and fetishes far too nuanced to generalize. But I’ve found that, more often than not, people tend to hold dating prospects to unreasonable standards they don’t hold themselves to.
The cold, cruel truth about love is people want to be with others they deem to be of equal or higher caliber than themselves. It’s a capitalist world and market value have its way of sifting the choosers from the beggars. Newton’s third law of physics states, “For every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction,” so if you’re evaluating people on superficial qualities, the ones you’ve pulled into your orbit are probably measuring you by the same barometer.
A successful (Love) life begins by working on yourself. People are generally attracted to counterparts who share similar priorities and philosophies. Want to date someone who’s fun and adventurous? Take up some new hobbies. Want to date someone with career ambitions? Pursue a job that fits your passions. Want to date someone who’s smart? Broaden your intellectual interests. At the very least, it’ll make you a more intriguing person with some added layers of depth, and you’ll have something to talk about other than the weather or whatever Mostly Sane posted today.
This isn’t meant as an insult. It’s a plea for reflection. Self-love is a good thing, but self-awareness is more important. The more you improve, the more your prospects improve atleast that’s what I am telling myself.
When you become more certain about your journey, you’re more likely to find someone who wants to hop along for the ride.